The Funk Master
by SasuNarufan4ever
Summary: When Gaara, aka the funk master, finally notices December, she is in for a nice treat. ;) Crack!fic. Weird as hell. Enjoy. Gaaraxoc.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

December sighed as she thought about watching Gaara play with sand in the sand. It was fun watching the grown man play in the sand box. It was especially funny when he used his intimidating looks to scare the children away just so he could play in the sand box by himself. He never noticed it when December watched him. Someday she wished he would notice her. Then surely they could have a lot more fun in their own little sand box ;).

Today was different though. December perched on the window like usual, peering down at the sandbox. As she expected, Gaara was there less than a minute after. The children glanced up and their eyes widened in fear as they glanced up at the Kazekage.

Gaara knelt down and made little sand sculptures. The children smiled, but they still looked a bit frightened. Gaara gave no funks though. He simply leaned forward and whispered to the children.

"Gonna get funked," they gasped. They bowed down to the funk master and chanted 'Master Funk' repeatedly as he casually made his way towards December's hideout. She watched with a mix of surprise and fear. What did he mean he was going to get funked?

"Little sand dune," Gaara said from behind the confused woman. She whirled around and watched as the red headed funk master neared.

"G-Gaara," she breathed.

His eyes remained emotionless as he leaned closer to her and whispered huskily in her ear, "You wanna be my funky bitch?"

December wailed with delight, "Oh, yes Gaara-sama!"

Gaara used his rockin' sand powers and made her a sand collar. He pulled the sand chain, tugging her over to his bitchin' sand bed.

December shivered with delight as he pushed her down so she laid on her back on the sand bed. She let out a surprised gasp when she felt sand slide underneath her clothes. The force of the sand began to push and pull them off of her. Gaara watched as his sand stripped the lovely woman of her clothes, leaving her in just her sand collar.

"Oh Gaara-sama, fill me up like I'm your hour glass," she moaned. Gaara growled, hopping on top of her like a wild depraved raccoon.

"Gonna funk you up," he growled. December cried out as he sank his teeth into her neck. His hands roamed all over her bare skin. She was so smooth, it reminded him of bananas.

December let out a breathy gasp when she felt something tease her clam. The sand rubbed against her, making her feel all sorts of yes. She rocked her hips into Gaara's amazing sand dildo. She could feel his actual disco stick rub against her thigh. Gaara's hot tongue trailed over he water melons, making her arch her back. He nipped and licked at her strawberries, sending all sorts of yummy sensations throughout her vessel.

"Ah!" She writhed beneath the beautiful sand man as the sand slipped into her pocket.

"My beautiful Sand-chan," Gaara hissed, his breath hot against her skin.

"Oh Gaara!" She whined, desperately clawing at his back. Her hips rocked in time with the sand dildo's thrusts. Gaara leaned back, watching as the woman beneath him came undone. She was truly more stunning than all of his naked sand lady sculptures that he kept making in the sand box. He shed off his own clothing, letting it drop to the floor. When his body was fully unsheathed, he handcuffed December with his sand. He watched her body writhe on the sand, marveling at the pink hue that covered her body. Perspiration hung over her like a rain cloud.

"Oh Gaara! Funk me up! I beg you!" December yelled. Gaara let out a monstrous roar. He called the sound out of her. Then, he shoved himself inside of her.

"Oh hot tamale!" She screamed. Gaara furiously thrust in and out of her with the power of one thousand suns.

"Feel my funkkk!" Gaara groaned low in his throat.

"Oh yes!" She cried.

"Feelin' it now Mr. Crabs?" Gaara roared, his hips moving with the speed of a bunch of light years.

"I feel it, oh potato! I feel it!" She whinnied.

Somewhere, a potato explodes.

December let out a broken sob as the sand dildo returned, joining Gaara's delicious baguette. December felt fuller than she ever had on Thanksgiving. Gaara and the sand toy moved inside of her, stretching the black hole within.

She threw her head back and screamed, "I'M GONNA CHOWDER!"

Gaara growled when he felt her clam chowder. Soon, he himself exploded, delicious scream pouring out of his gigantic eclair.

He reluctantly pulled out of her galaxy, and collapsed onto the sand bed. He watched her chest move in time with her pants. This was better than any sand hole session ever was. He panted heavily, noticing that December was struggling against her sand cuffs.

"Oh funk master, won't you release me?" She pleaded. Gaara did, and let out a surprised panda sound as she threw her arms around him.

"I hope I get a bun in the oven!" December cheered delightedly. Gaara's beautiful eyes widened, his invisible eyebrows arching higher than Noah's Ark. The sand bed disappeared from under them and spilled onto the floor. The two fell to the floor with it.

"Not the buns!" He gaped. December giggled and jiggled her buns.

"Thank you Gaara-sama. I look forward to fonduing with you again," she winked.

He watched as she waddled away to the bathroom. She could feel wet sand all up in her snake hole. Boy, it sure felt great, she though.

Gaara slipped his clothes back on after cleaning himself up. He made his way back outside to the sand box. The kids were still there and they all looked up at him. They grinned when they saw him.

"Gaara Sensei! Teach us your funky ways!" They shouted.

A deadly smirk formed on the red headed Adonis's face.

"Soon children, soon."


End file.
